Toto... I don't think we're in Petawawa anymore!

So... I really should have blogged my saga yesterday because it's taken me a whole 48 hrs to calm down and I'm afraid re-hashing it will only pick off the thin layer of scabulous tissue... GROSS.

ewww.

We may have become engaged in a small war with our neighbour who I will call... Ummm... DICK. This man is the type of neighbour who you are sure he sits in his house thinking of things he can complain about , in turn, making your existence beside him, let's say, less than desirable. Yeah, that's a nice politically correct way to word it.
If it's not when we should be mowing the grass or our children being geographically present on his grass ( try explaining to a three year old the concept of where OUR grass ends and HIS grass begins!) to whether our cats are outside scaring away the birds or when we should replace our windows. The man has an opnion about everything. Well, the last straw was tuesday.

In the summer he had asked us to remove our ,not annoying, ( we all know what the annoying ones sound like), windchimes because he slept with his window open and could hear them at night. Fair enough, I was a bit put out, but didn't want to rock the boat the first week we moved in. So I begudgingly took them down. I figured that by now, December, he was probably sleeping with his windows shut. ( unless he's going through menopause, which with his stature and personality traits, could be a real possibility)

Yes, I put them back up and enjoyed the familiar sound that had been with us for six years in Petawawa until I came home on Tuesday.

I hadn't had the best day anyway and Mr.DICK picked a really bad time to be his usual charming self. There had been a mini- icestorm and I wrangled up some salt at the local madhouse-everyone-panicking Canadian Tire, refereed two cranky pre-schoolers, almost slid into the van with the truck parking in the driveway and then there was DICK waiting in his front yard to finish me off.

I tried to explain to him that I thought we had comprised, window closed blah blah blah and tried to appeal to his sentimental side with the story of it not sounding like home without them. He finished by instructing me to take them down.... so , I took them down... and hurled across the front porch floor creating quite a dramatic effect. Needless to say, he thinks I'm somewhat of a looneytune, but what the #@*& do I care!

Then an hour later in a fit of defiance I put them back up. That's my mother coming out in me!

He layed in wait until he spied my husband outside and almost fell over himself trying to get out in the yard to confront the MAN about getting control of his crazy wife... OK he didn't actually say that, but he was THINKING it!

He tried his melodrama with Frank "WHY do you want to make me miserable.... well, you 're not in Petawawa anymore" what a royal jerk! Frank didn't bite, he actually is as pissed off as he gets about anything, which for anyone that knows him, understands that's quite something.

we did end up taking them down just because we don't want the by-law police on our doorstep every other day with complaints from DICKHEAD... I mean DICK about one thing or another!

We are going to relocate them on the back patio far from his bedroom and if he still has something to say, I will PERSONALLY relocate them so far up his ass, that everytime he breaks wind he will have some musical accompaniment!

SIGH.

I have to go and fantasize about how I can annoy him even more in the coming year, it'll be my new hobby! hmph.